Tied
by The Bedroom Writer
Summary: the meadow is dying, as is Bella.


I pushed my way thru the tree line, rushing to see it. To smell the flowers again and also see if he would appear to me again. My foot made a crunching sound as it hit the dry grass that once was the meadow. "No" I said out loud, my eyes flickering with emotion.

There was nothing here, but where did it all go? Surely I could not have imagined it. The tall grass that swayed with the smallest amount of breeze, the little purple flowers that never seemed to have a season in which they grew, but seem to just stay as they were frozen in time, forever the same, never changing. Even the air here was different to the other air, it had a sweet smell, a smell that was just like…"No Bella, Stop" I said to myself. There was no need to bring him into this, no need what so ever to pull the memories up from the past. The hole in my chest was widening just being here, it was internally screaming at me to leave, to forget this place, to forget him. But I could never forget him and the way that he looked in the field of dreams that was the meadow. The way that the sun shined off his face and making the world all that brighter for the moment. Or the way that he made me feel when he used to touch me, the way that my heart seemed to jump out of my chest ever time he stroked my arm or my face.

My hand was had made its way up to my chest, hovering over my heart feeling it pulse behind the thin layer that was my skin. How much I wanted it to stop beating, how much I wanted the pain to go away and leave me in peace. But it would not leave I knew this, it was my scar to carry until I found someone else to carve their mark there mark over it, the scar that I knew would never stop hurting.

I stared around the space as if trying to find something that connected him to this place; my eyes were welling with tears as I stared. How could it have come to this? It was as if this place was tried to him and when he left it disappeared too. I took a step forward only to be greeted by the sound of the grass under my feet, the grass that we had once lied on declaring ourselves, the grass that I had first really seen him.

It was still, there wasn't even a breeze of wind to move the non-existing grass that lay un-growing under my feet. I fell to my knees, the emotion of the moment of the realization becoming too much for me to handle. My arm wound around my mid section, my breathing was coming close to hyperventilating and my pulse was banging inside my ear like a hammer. "Edward!" I screamed out in pity of myself, as if that was going to help.

I had once been told that it does no good to scream, screaming will not take away the pain that I felt, the pain that was so bad at time that all I could do was curl up into a ball and ride out the waves that seem to drown me. Screaming would not bring back to only thing in my life that was slowing killing me with its absence. Killing me so that I would not see the sun, killing me so that I would never be able to find him again, killing me so that my heart would never beet for another. I laughed, but it was the kind if laugh that happens when you know everything is lost. As if my heart could ever beat for another, it was bearing beating for the one that I wanted it to. I was right when I told him that I was dying, that my heart beats were numbered. He always thought that it was his presence that would kill me, but did he ever think that his absence could do the same thing? That his absence could have the same effect, the same amount of pain could be caused by both actions.

I gasped in a strangled breath; my air way was slowing closing due to the sobs that were forcing their way out. "Why? Edward, why?!" I screamed to the heavens, trying to make my question heard. But I already knew the reason why, I didn't want me and why would he, me being the ordinary human that I was.

God, did he even care about the mess that he was leaving behind? But what would he care, he didn't love me anymore….maybe he never loved me and all this was just a curl game that he went home and laughed about. They had all been laughing at me, me the stupid falling hard for the one guy that would, could never love her. The one guy that if he wanted could have killed her so easily that she would never have a moment to doubt his love; she would dying believing the lie, the show that he had been performing from the moment they met.

But what did all this matter, I like the meadow was tired to the same thing, and just like the meadow I dying.


End file.
